She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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