dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
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think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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