I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize