the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
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I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude. I can hear the air.
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