Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
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Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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