flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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