I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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