just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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