So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
