matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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