Her vagina should come with caution tape.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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