just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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