I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize