I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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