There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize