worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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