You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize