K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize