The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize