our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize