the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You smell like stripper and shame
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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