I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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