nut hugger
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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