so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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