Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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