Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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