I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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