I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize