Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
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If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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