Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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