I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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