its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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