shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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