Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
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So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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