I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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