I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize