Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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