I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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