they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize