I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my being single is dangerous.
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We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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