Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize