Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
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I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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