i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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