i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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