the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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