i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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