I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize