she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So. Much. Porn.
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