Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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