we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
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Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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