he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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